Bang I'm Dead

Went to Laserquest today. Me and a buch of finely honed killing machines with hair triggered reflexes and eyes in the back of their heads. It is a neat setup. You get a gun and a backpack and stalk around a maze of ramps and hiding places in the half darkness trying to shoot people with a bright red LED gun. Because they put a bit of smoke in the air you can see the rays from your gun in a most satisfactory manner. If you get hit a counter goes up by one and your gun stops working for five seconds. I got that a lot. I think I make a very good target. At least that is what everyone else said.

The first half was individual. I was nearly last. The second half was team. My team did not win. Probably because of my sitting duck antics. Never mind. It was great fun. You get a printout of who shot who right at the end. They were all going "I shot Rob 8 times". "That's nothing, I got him at least ten". Ho hum. But it was fun.

Madness I Say

We went up town today. In the carpark there was a sign which said "Lost Tickets Five Pounds".

That's mad.

Who wants to buy a lost ticket? I can imagine the dialogue:

Customer: "I'd like to buy a lost ticket"
attendant : "That will be five pounds please"
Customer: "There you are"
Attendant: "Thanks"
Customer: "Can I have it now please"
Attendant: "Sorry. I can't seem to find it"
Customer: "Of course you can't"

Madness I say. Madness.

Secure Transactions

Got a new bank card today. It is one of these new fangled ones where I have to remember a number so that I can buy things.

I'm really waiting for the next generation, where the identification behaviour has to be more specific to the individual. For mine I'd have to tell a really bad joke involving a play on words to draw any money out. I'd call it "Chip and pun".

The Little Brown Ikea Pencil of Doom: Part 4

Lars Swedishname was obviously a man with a mission. The inspector half listened to his tale of gypsy curse, abandoned pet cemetery, lost Indian tribe and Stockholm office supplies company. This was all very well, but how did it explain the four mysterious deaths in MadeupTown? Constable Wilkins on the other hand seemed to find the story fascinating. Standing behind Lars he had his notebook out and was making copious notes. His little brown pencil (was that regulation issue? the inspector wondered) was flying over the paper as he seemed to be writing everything down.

"Well sir" said the inspector, rising to his feet. "Thank-you for your information, you can be sure that we will act appropriately"

"No." the little man seemed even more agitated. "You don't understand. You've got to do something now, before there are any more deaths".

"That's OK sir, we'll do our best" the inspector continued. "Where can we find you if we need any further help?"

"The Regal Hotel" Lars replied. "It is the only one in town with no Swedish furniture".

"Well, thank you for your help sir". The inspector walked round the desk to shake hands with the visitor. As he passed Constable Wilkins the inspector caught a glimpse of what the officer had been writing in his notebook. 'Kill Lars, kill Lars, kill Lars. Kill Lars. And then go and buy a Babord shoe rack (15.95)'
(to be continued)

Snow Drivin'

Went down the motorway to Nottingham today. They have a road called "Maid Marion Way". But no "Sheriff Street" that I could find. Nottingham is nice. They have a shopping centre called "Victoria Shopping Centre". It is now an old friend, because we went past it four times as we tried to escape from the middle of the town.

The driving was enlivened by a couple of snowstorms. I love the way that the snowflakes dive towards the windscreen only to try and peel off at the last moment before they hit the car. I wonder how they know to do that?