Christmas Shopping

The three wise men have a lot to answer for. Although something in me reckons that if christmas didn't exist they would have to invent it so that we can buy stuff. Sorry to sound cynical (or is that realistic) but I've just been christmas shopping. We went to York. Which was somewhat busy. Actually it was very busy. Actually it was like a very crowded cocktail party with shopping bags and hardly anyone looking happy. And no drinks.

At times like this I'm glad that I'm tall and can see over the throng of people between me and the cash till. Then I remember that there is no clothing in York that I can buy precisely for this height reason thing and I become less glad.

But I can by video games and DVDs, they fit all sizes.

University Drinking

First Year: Takes a handful of coins to the coffee machine and finds that they are 1 pence short.

Second Year: Takes exactly the right amount of money to the machine and find that it rejects one of the coins.

Third Year: Takes the right money, plus a bit extra. Finds out that the machine is out of order.

Member of Staff: Can't afford to use the coffee machine. Brings own drinks in.

The Human Condition

I've been thinking today about "The Human Condition". I think it might be "As long as you pay me".

Stealth Yoghurt and Useless Ham

Every day at work, being a creature of habit, I have a raspberry yoghurt as part of my calorie uncontrolled lunch. This means that each week I have to buy eight yoghurts. We don't have extra long weeks up north, but number one wife is partial to them as well. Actually, a liking of raspberry yoghurts is not all we have in common: we also share a love of fine (or indeed any) wine, good conversation and a mutual hatred of the kids (only kidding - that's just me). We also both hate cherry yoghurts.

So why in the name of all that is sensible do Tesco put the cherry yoghurts in almost identical pots and then mix them up with the raspberry ones? I bought eight yoghurts last week and two of them are the loathsome cherry flavour. Nobody will eat them. Nobody. Of course, just because it was me that bought them I am getting the blame for this. I suspect it is some kind of stealth marketing by the "National Cherry Yoghurt liberation Front" or something. Cherry lovers disguised as shoppers are going round stores mixing in cherry yoghurts with the proper raspberry ones. Or perhaps it is a cunning plot by Tesco, who have worked out that they make an extra 0.00001 pence per pot on the cherry ones and are seeking to maximise profit. Come to think of it, when we did an internet order they sent us 8 cherry ones in place of raspberry (which we spotted and sent straight back). What with this and the lard shortage there is definitely something odd going on in the supermarkets of Britain.

And while we are on the subject of stupid food, what is the point of wafer thin meat? Why make something so thin as to be unusable. We don't have wafer thin biscuits (actually I think we may do - but that is beside the point). Why make stuff which is so thin that you can't get it out of the pack and half of it goes on the floor when you try to pick it up and so it ends up being wasted in the bin? Aha. I suspect another plot here. I think the time is ripe for an expose.

Brains of Britain Looking for Lard

Hmm. Went out to the Postgrad party tonight. They had a quiz thing. We formed a team and sallied forth into mental battle with students that we are obviously mentally superior to.

Ah well. In spite of me knowing half the answers (in fact I set those questions) "The David Essex Fan Club" (not a particularly auspicious name as it turned out) failed to win. We didn't even get the award for the stupidest team name. But that issue was more subjective I reckon.

Talk turned, as it always does at these occasions, to the impending lard shortage. I'm trying to talk this up a bit on the grounds that it would be a good idea to do that if I had a spare bedroom full of lard. I don't have, but you never know. Apparently we have a block in the cupboard. I'm going to give it another couple of weeks and then put it on ebay.

The evening was fun though.