Wednesday
Dec082004
Stealth Yoghurt and Useless Ham
Wednesday, December 8, 2004 at 08:59PM
Every day at work, being a creature of habit, I have a raspberry yoghurt as part of my calorie uncontrolled lunch. This means that each week I have to buy eight yoghurts. We don't have extra long weeks up north, but number one wife is partial to them as well. Actually, a liking of raspberry yoghurts is not all we have in common: we also share a love of fine (or indeed any) wine, good conversation and a mutual hatred of the kids (only kidding - that's just me). We also both hate cherry yoghurts.
So why in the name of all that is sensible do Tesco put the cherry yoghurts in almost identical pots and then mix them up with the raspberry ones? I bought eight yoghurts last week and two of them are the loathsome cherry flavour. Nobody will eat them. Nobody. Of course, just because it was me that bought them I am getting the blame for this. I suspect it is some kind of stealth marketing by the "National Cherry Yoghurt liberation Front" or something. Cherry lovers disguised as shoppers are going round stores mixing in cherry yoghurts with the proper raspberry ones. Or perhaps it is a cunning plot by Tesco, who have worked out that they make an extra 0.00001 pence per pot on the cherry ones and are seeking to maximise profit. Come to think of it, when we did an internet order they sent us 8 cherry ones in place of raspberry (which we spotted and sent straight back). What with this and the lard shortage there is definitely something odd going on in the supermarkets of Britain.
And while we are on the subject of stupid food, what is the point of wafer thin meat? Why make something so thin as to be unusable. We don't have wafer thin biscuits (actually I think we may do - but that is beside the point). Why make stuff which is so thin that you can't get it out of the pack and half of it goes on the floor when you try to pick it up and so it ends up being wasted in the bin? Aha. I suspect another plot here. I think the time is ripe for an expose.
So why in the name of all that is sensible do Tesco put the cherry yoghurts in almost identical pots and then mix them up with the raspberry ones? I bought eight yoghurts last week and two of them are the loathsome cherry flavour. Nobody will eat them. Nobody. Of course, just because it was me that bought them I am getting the blame for this. I suspect it is some kind of stealth marketing by the "National Cherry Yoghurt liberation Front" or something. Cherry lovers disguised as shoppers are going round stores mixing in cherry yoghurts with the proper raspberry ones. Or perhaps it is a cunning plot by Tesco, who have worked out that they make an extra 0.00001 pence per pot on the cherry ones and are seeking to maximise profit. Come to think of it, when we did an internet order they sent us 8 cherry ones in place of raspberry (which we spotted and sent straight back). What with this and the lard shortage there is definitely something odd going on in the supermarkets of Britain.
And while we are on the subject of stupid food, what is the point of wafer thin meat? Why make something so thin as to be unusable. We don't have wafer thin biscuits (actually I think we may do - but that is beside the point). Why make stuff which is so thin that you can't get it out of the pack and half of it goes on the floor when you try to pick it up and so it ends up being wasted in the bin? Aha. I suspect another plot here. I think the time is ripe for an expose.
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