Takeaway Friday

We are falling into a routine of always having a takeaway on Friday. We even have it delivered sometimes now, to show that we are truly decadent. But today I went and fetched it because I believe it is the role of the man to provide food for his family. And I'm too mean to pay delivery and a tip.

There are a lot of food outlets in Cottingham, where we live. Lots. This is probably because of the number of students that live around here. We have just about every cuisine you can think of. In one part of town if you swung a particularly large cat you could hit a pizza joint, Chinese takeaway, Indian takeaway, Indian restaurant and chip shop (oh and a hairdresser, but they'll make you a cup of coffee if you ask nicely). Of course you would instantly be arrested and charged with swinging a large cat in a built up area after midnight (well - you wouldn't want to do it during daylight would you) but you get the picture.

Best Laid Plans

Some time ago I forgot my packed lunch. This is bad for two reasons, I get really hungry at lunchtime and then I don't feel like two meals when I get home from work. I now have a master plan where I put my lunch bag on my shoes so that it is impossible to leave the house without it.

Until today. I've discovered that if I lose that Zen like concentration that I must maintain between putting my shoes on and leaving the house I can actually contrive to leave the lunch at home.

This morning you may have spotted a wild eyed bloke in a red car at the traffic lights in Cottingham who suddenly uttered a very naughty word, followed by another bunch of naughty words, after frantically looking around inside his car. Oh well. I went home for lunch and ate my packup in the kitchen.

Brand Awareness

There was a telly programme on Sunday about how brand aware children are these days and how intensive advertising is driving younger and younger kids into the arms of the evil corporations. Apparently even five year olds can spot brands like MacDonalds, Nike, and Pizza Hut. But they have not reached Gucci yet. I suppose it is just a matter of time.

Of course, as one of the more clued up members of society I'm not susceptible to this kind of brainwashing I thought to myself as I stretched out on my Ikea sofa drinking a Budwieser beer and watching my Sky+ box via my Sony telly. Oh no.

Half a Life

Last week I got another video game. (there is nothing new about this - I've been known to buy a few in my time). This one is Half Life 2. I was a bit peeved by this game to start with. After being given whispered instructions to "meet me in the plaza" by an undercover chum in a fake police uniform I then spent ages in the place waiting for him to turn up. I wandered round, got whacked by the secret police, put some litter into bins and generally thought how lifelike the game is, having been stood up in real life as well.

When they had stopped laughing, my gameplaying friends told me that I had to find the ally, climb the ladder, jump off the fire escape and then make my way to another meeting point. Where I would be set upon and shot at by more secret police. Simple. Having got over this minor hiccup I am now going great guns. Quite literally. The air of realism is very impressive, the only problem being the loading screens.

Imagine that you are being chased down a corridor, bullets thudding into the woodwork around you as you sprint towards the only route out. Then your world freezes for three minutes whilst the environment outside the door is loaded in and made pretty. No fun. And then it starts working when you've nipped to the toilet during the loading and you get shot in the back and have to start again. Even less fun.

Braun Beats Brain

My razor is broken. Not so that it doesn't work, more that it works when it shouldn't. I finished shaving with it and turned it off. But it didn't hear me and just kept shaving. Ten minues later, when I really had no hair left on my face and was getting a little worried about what to do next I managed to pull the plug out and stop it.

I think the switch may be broken. On is on and off is on too. Except when I bash it. I now leave it unplugged so that it doesn't wake up when we are out and shave the carpet.

I'm tempted to take it to bits and try and fix it. That way I can buy a new one when I can't put it back together again.